Episode 13, Revenge of the Nerds

If the shows you've been watching don't cover such diverse topics as ComicCon, Differential Equations, the Mambo & Bartending, then you should add The Big Bang Theory (Mondays on CBS) and Beauty & The Geek (Tuesdays on CW) to your repertoire.

Beauty & The Geek is nearing the season finale, so tune in quick! If you're not familiar with the show the premise is basic: an attractive, not-so-bright, 20-something is matched with a not-so-attractive, genius, 20-something for a series of competitions to help the pair grow socially, emotionally & perhaps even academically. The team that grows the most (or just doesn't get eliminated) wins $250k. Of course the beauties have weekly challenges around learning something nerdy like geography, biology or developing an original comic book hero while the geeks learn something social like sewing (a comic book hero costume), massage or bartending.

My favorite this season has been the uber-geek Joshua. If you searched wikipedia for "geek", I have little doubt Joshua's bio will appear (give it a try and let me know how it works out...if you don't have success click on his CW bio here!) Through all the crazy challenges Joshua has given it his all, but none quite captured his sense of daring, athleticism and surprising lack of understanding of basic physics as his go at flair bartending:

• Imagine an attractive lady asks for a pina colada. Joshua is pleased because that is the drink he's been studying.
  
• He grabs the rum, gives it a flip, a twist, spills no more than a tablespoon and lands about 1/2 oz of rum in the shaker.
  
• Then he goes for the glass carafe of cream: you can see his mind turning as he thinks about how to flip and catch this very full container. Not willing to risk a shattered bottle of cream and have nothing to mix in the pina colada (like say, maybe coconut milk?) Joshua decides to put gravity to work for him. With a firm grip on the carafe, he pops it into the air and quickly moves the open shaker under the cream as it falls back to earth at 32.2 ft/sec^2. More cream is needed, so Joshua follows-up quickly with a second thrown-cream, gravity-catch (watch out, this will be all the rage with championship flair-tenders next season!)
  
• Now for the ice...the gravity move seemed to work well, and after a couple tong tosses of ice up, about 4 come down in the shaker.
• Once the drink is in the old fashioned glass (that's what I drink my pina coladas out of, don't you?!) and a straw is needed, so Joshua reverts to his tried and true gravity-catch. 10 straws go up, all come down, but none in the glass. On the second try, 4 go up, and two land in the glass and Joshua presents his lovely partner with a 2 oz rum & cream drink.
  

Please, don't be confused...I am not poking fun at Joshua (well, maybe at little at his over-use of gravity.) He gave it his all, made me laugh so hard i almost cried and he had a good time trying something new. Like one of the competing Beauties said "he can make me a drink anytime!" Sadly, Joshua & his Beauty were eliminated last week, and I'm not sure the show will be the same without him.

This is where The Big Bang Theory comes in. It mimics reality (the reality show, that is) with 2 main geeks, Leonard & Sheldon, who are physicists, like Joshua. Their two nerdy friends, Howard & Rajesh, one of which can't talk to girls unless his is drunk. And their cute waitress/bartender friend, Penny, who lives across the hall. It also mimics my reality since I went to a college where ~75% of the population could easily be Leonard, Sheldon, Howard or Joshua and the other ~25% were more like Rajesh. Of course Leonard would love to have a relationship with Penny and the show smartly delivers the humor that can be found between the academic & social haves and have-nots. My favorite moments from this season are, in no particular order:

1. When Howard poses as Rajesh in a phone conversation with a would-be date in an over-the-top Indian accent that results in Rajesh admonishing Howard for making him "sound like a convenience store clerk on The Simpson's."
2. When Sheldon dresses as the Doppler Effect for Halloween and everyone thinks he's a zebra.
3. Any of their crazy food antics: how to split 4 dumplings between 3 people, describing how long cereal can sit in milk before it ruins your Saturday morning routine or whether its alright to have Thai for dinner after having Indian for lunch (FYI, its not ok.)

The good news is that CBS seems to be re-airing the season at its regularly scheduled time (I caught the Pilot episode again tonight-Leonard & Penny's kids would be smart, beautiful, and imaginary!) You can also catch them on CBS's website. I need a healthy dose of nerd humor in my TV schedule, so please start watching and keep my hopes alive that The Big Bang Theory will survive the writers' strike!

The Queen has spoken!

Episode 12, Mini-Series Part 4, The Finale

I don't know about you, but I never really cared for min-series myself. They give you a bunch a filler all week and then leave the dramatic conclusion for the last 5 minutes of the last night. Or worse yet, they leave you hanging and force you to draw your own conclusions as to what actually happened. I promise not to do that, and here, without further ado, is the dramatic conclusion:

On Friday I watched very little TV, so I've combined the journal with Saturday which was also TV limited due to a mediocre round of golf:
Sarah Silverman (Comedy Central): 30 minutes, took about 20 minutes to watch
30 Rock (NBC): 30 minutes, took about 20 minutes to watch
My Name Is Earl (NBC): 30 minutes, took about 20 minutes to watch
Scrubs (NBC): 30 minutes, I only watched about 3 minutes before I fell asleep from boredom
CSI (CBS): 1 hour, took about 50 minutes to watch
Cold Case (CBS): 1 hour, took about 50 minutes to watch
Life (NBC): 1 hour, took about 50 minutes to watch
For a 2-day total of 5 hour and 30 minutes of programming (not counting a single minute of Scrubs!)

For those that have been paying attention, that brings the six day total to 26 hours and 30 minutes of programming watched. That is far short of the Queen's 50 hour estimate and with only one day left, 50 hours seems an implausible feat...the results follow!

Fortunately for the Queen, Sunday TV watching easily allows for multi-tasking and I watched all this programming (with a few hours left in the day!)
Law & Order: Criminal Intent (USA): 1 hour, took about 50 minutes
Friday Night Lights (NBC): 1 hour, took about 50 minutes
The Soup (E!): 30 minutes, took about 20 minutes
Throwdown with Bobby Flay (Food Network): 30 minutes, took about 15 to watch
Designed to Sell (HGTV): 30 minutes, took about 15 to watch
Football, primarily consisting of GB/Minn, Phil/Wash & Det/AZ: 4 hours and 15 minutes watched over about 5 and a half hours
Sell This House (A&E): 30 minutes, took about 15 minutes to watch
The Next Iron Chef (Food Network): I watched all 6 episodes of 1 hour each. They each took about 40 minutes to watch, except the finale which took about 45 minutes.
NASCAR (ABC): I watched 3 hours and 15 minutes of racing in about 1 hour
Amazing Race (CBS): 1 hour, watched in about 50 minutes
Bring the Sunday total to 18 hours and 30 minutes of programming watched so far...

That brings the weekly total to 45 hours of programming!! With a couple hours left before the stroke of midnight, it looks like those who voted less than 50 hours have won. Whether that is a victory or if it is a defeat is uncertain...all that we know is it's a crap load of TV.

The Queen has spoken!

Episode 12, Mini-Series Part 3

Well, the polls are closed and the result is as decisive as the 2000 Presidential Election! I'll be checking the back of the blog for any hanging chads...in the meantime, here's what I watched on Thursday:

Carpoolers (ABC): 30 minutes, took about 20 to watch
Kid Nation (CBS): 1 hour, took about 45 minutes to watch
Reaper (CW): 1 hour, took about 45 minutes to watch
Cane (CBS): 1 hour, took about 50 minutes to watch
Survivor (CBS): 1 hour, took about 50 minutes to watch
Grey's Anatomy (ABC): 1 hour, took about 50 minutes to watch
ER (NBC): 1 hour, took about 50 minutes to watch
The Office (NBC): 30 minutes, took about 20 minutes to watch
Evening News (Channel 12): 20 minutes

For Thursday total of 7 hours and 20 minutes of programming!

Episode 12, Mini-Series Part 2

As some of you know, I've been out of town and watched very little TV Tuesday. I caught up on a good number of shows Wednesday night and here's how I did it!

Tuesday night I fell asleep watching TV:
15 minutes of news
45 minutes of The Biggest Loser (NBC)
For a total of 1 hour...

Wednesday was much more productive:
15 minutes of morning news
The remaining 1 hour & 15 minutes of The Biggest Loser (NBC) took about 45 minutes to watch
Law & Order: SVU (NBC) was 1 hour and took about 50 minutes to watch
Dancing with the Stars: Results Show (ABC) was 1 hour and took about 1 minute to watch (all I want to see if who is in the bottom two: it was Jennie Garth & Jane Seymour was sent packing)
Beauty & the Geek (CW) was 1 hour and took about 50 minutes to watch
Criminal Minds (CBS) was 1 hour and took about 50 minutes to watch
Forensic Files (Court TV) was 30 minutes and took about 20 minutes to watch
For a Wednesday total of 6 hours of programming watched!

Episode 12, Mini-Series Part 1

Here's the quick recap of what I watched Monday:

3TV news: 15 minutes in the morning
Guy's Big Bite (Food TV): 30 minutes, took about 20 to watch
Prison Break (Fox): 1st hour, took about 50 minutes
Big Bang Theory (CBS): 30 minutes, took about 25 minutes
Prison Break (Fox): 2nd hour, took about 50 minutes
Heroes (NBC): 1 hour, took about 50 minutes
Guy's Big Bite (Food TV): 30 minutes, took about 20 to watch
Channel 12 news: 10 minutes
Dancing With The Stars (ABC): 1 hour,45 minutes, took about 50 minutes

For a monday total of: 6 hours and 40 minutes of programming (only counted news for the minutes watched)

Episode 12, Watching TV: The Mini-Series

A question has been raised: How is it possible that the Queen is able to watch 50 hours of TV a week? There have been some that have tried multi-variate analysis to find the answer, others have spent hours of their precious work day studying the TV Guide and still others have tried to call tivo and get a download of the Queen's viewing history for "market research." To answer the question posed by millions (ok, maybe just equal to the number of viewers that Viva Laughlin had), I've decided to journal my TV watching for the next week: Monday to Sunday.

The truth will be told and you will find out how many hours of programming I watch on an average week...and how I do it!

Get your votes in now (notice I've added a voting option this week!) I've set the over-under at 50 hours. In a week's time potentially valuable prizes will be awarded to the winners!

The Queen has spoken!

"Spin-off: A random thought about TV last night..."

So now that baseball is officially dead to me, I had a chance to watch some TV last night. Now I'm not normally a Bachelor watcher, but happened to flip over just in time for one of the most entertaining reality moments in a while. In case you missed it several conversations between the Bachelor and one of his girls pretty much went like this:

Bachelor: "I like you as a friend"
Girl: with a huge smile on her face, "He really likes me, he really, really likes me"

Bachelor: "I'll be blunt; I like you as a friend"
Girl: with sparkles in her eyes, "I'm wearing white tonight, just like i will be on our wedding day"

And on it goes, this girl obviously only heard what she wanted to hear, but it couldn't have been the bachelor she was listening too. Maybe she had Michael Bolton's "To love somebody" stuck in her head... thats the only explanation i can come up with.

On a brighter note, upon seeing the Bachelor with his shirt off, she did tell the camera what exactly she wanted to do to him. Unfortunately ABC had to beep out about a minute of this interview along with "fuzz" out her mouth, just to make sure we weren't reading lips. I think i even blushed for a moment! Unfortunately she was not given a rose, which was proceeded by hysterical crying and constant questions of "Why me?" Very Entertaining!!! She defiantly is a quality girl that every boy would be proud to take home to mom...

Episode 11, "I see the games you're playing"

Absolutely brilliant! That is what I have to say about CBS’s Kid Nation once I saw through their thinly veiled ploy and realized this really is a brilliantly-diabolical plan to gain a monopoly on all the future reality show participants! Let me lay out the evidence:

1) Wife Swap, ABC, and Trading Spouses, Fox, have been getting a bit predictable with all the conflict based on who does the vacuuming. The best episode I ever watched (really this is a best out of 5 or so) was when the one wife was a local religious leader: head of her Coven. On Kid Nation, the producers don’t leave the hard-to-discuss topic of religion out-of-bounds and this week the kids were asked to hold a religious gathering for, what seemed like, no other purpose than to give them an excuse to yell at each other. This is perfect training for the yet-to-be-aired Family Exchange: Holy Wars, coming soon on CBS!

2) Trauma: Life in the ER, TLC, shows dramatic footage of car accident, gun shot and construction accidents (recall the nail gun shot into a man’s skull) but they haven’t really tapped into the available market when it comes to herpes. Watch about 10 minutes of Kid Nation and you will count no less than 20 cold-sores…and there are less than 40 kids on the show. This is the perfect opportunity for CBS to swoop in and take over TLC’s little medical show and re-title it Trauma: Outbreak in the Desert.

3) Intervention, currently airs on A&E, but will have to acquiesce to CBS once the kids from Bonanza City fully develop their appetite for shots. You see, on Kid Nation there is a saloon that is fully stocked with seltzer water & root beer for the kids to unwind with. And what did CBS provide to serve those tasty drinks? You guessed it, shot glasses. So now we get to watch 8-15 year olds pound shots of root beer, have chugging contests until 3 in the morning (they have beer mugs too) and grab a bottle to go (aka: a roadie) when missing their girlfriend becomes too much to handle. Oh yeah, there was also a seltzer water fight where the 15 year old “kid” was spraying the down the 9 & 10 year old girls…hardly more than a half step away from To Catch a Predator, NBC, and wet T-shirt contests on The Girls Next Door, E!

Next week’s episode features Town Council elections: would you vote for the Atheist, the one who can chug a root beer in 5 seconds or the one with the cold sore vaccine? Cast your vote wisely…

The Queen has spoken!

"Spin-off", Want some real reality TV?

Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect the privacy of those individuals involved.

So everyone thinks that all these new reality shows are the newest craze on TV, but I beg to differ. I know, I know, there’s nothing better than watching a buck o’ five sorority chic drink a gallon of a zebra’s intestinal fluid/lemur eyes/squirrel toe-nail clippings (just for a little crunch) concoction or that father of 4 that had to send his children to the crazy uncles for 3 months so he could live on an island just to get kicked off right before the grand prize. We tune in ever week, just to check up and see how our favorite person is doing, but why? Next season it will be someone new, drinking a new concoction, on a different island…

And here’s my point: Baseball. Baseball is the ultimate reality show. We, well at least myself, are all invested in this program a little bit more than any other reality show. We grew up on that same “island” where they play, we’re the little “extras” that can influence who gets that “immunity idol” at the end of the game (I can totally plug in a little “Why the hell aren’t the games sold out down there?” right now, but I won’t!), and most of all, we’ve seen these characters grow over years before our eyes and they'll be around for the next season. I know 162 episodes is a lot to catch, its like trying to watch every 90210 re-run on the soap network every afternoon, its just not gonna happen. (Yes, I am one of the little people, a Non-Tivoian.) But this time of year is when even the most casual of fans should be tuning in, everything is elevated and everything is more dramatic. There’s no producer to make you see it “their way”, however, the commentators would love if you would, but that just gives us the guy(s) on the show to despise. Every swing could mean an entire change of the “game plan” and even the little weird looking kid could be the hero, you just never know…

I know Queen, sports were not going to be part of you TV insight, but its hard to overlook this ultimate reality show that is playing out right in front of us… not to mention NASCAR in its championship and football just getting under way… I apologize, I am slacking on all the new premiers, but it’s a great time of year for reality!!!

And if that still doesn’t meet your approval, look at the match ups we have going on:

-Drew Lachey (the little brother of Nick, that nobody really paid attention too growing up down by the river, but came up with the right moves at the right time)

vs

-Omarosa (the overconfident bitch, that is just slightly less obnoxious than Donald Yankee, err Trump)

and

-Rupert (that lovable old tie-dyed shirt wearing guy, with an obvious love for that Rocky Mountain high)

vs

-Magda (that wrinkly, sun soaked old lady in “Something about Mary”, thats it)

Cheers!!!

Episode 10, "That's What She Said"

This blog is inspired by those folks I've been talking with about TV:

"Maybe he should be paired with a man." That's what the King said about the complete lack of chemistry between Cameron (Soap Opera Star) and his professional partner Edyta (who is destined never to win) after watching their Tango last night on Dancing with the Stars, ABC.

"The unfortunate thing is you are waiting for an event to happen which, for the longevity of the show, you hope never happens." That's what MCO said about the plots of shows like Life, NBC, & Dirty Sexy Money, ABC, which are based upon an intriguing mystery which, once solved, takes away the appeal of the show.

"Sometimes its a bit gory." That's what a co-worker said about the season premier of Criminal Minds, CBS, where there was a quite a bit of blood splatter in Gideon's flashbacks, the college campus and then in the second episode where women had their hearts chiseled out! Spoiler alert: they caught the bad guys (ok, not really a spoiler, cuz you knew that would happen!)

"You don't watch?!" That's what ASG said to the Queen about House, Fox, when commenting on how House, like Christina Yang, referred to his job applicants as numbers. The humor, that I'm told ensued, in that episode may be enough to convince the Queen to add House back to my season pass list.

"They must have blown the CGI budget on, uhm, I don't know what" That's what the Queen said about last night's episode of Heroes, NBC, after observing a steady decline in the special effects this season...or maybe they just don't seem as special without George Takai.

The Queen, and several others, have spoken!

Episode 9, Where Season Premiers Go Wrong

There were a lot of good series and season premiers out there last week including: The Office on NBC (yes, Jim & Pam did hook up), Criminal Minds on CBS (who knew Mandy Patinkin was retiring?!), My Name is Earl on NBC, (yes, Earl found people in prison on his list), Life on NBC (one of my favorite new series this fall-a complete surprise!) and Cane on CBS (the best new show on this fall-and I expected it to be.) But there were also some duds. Let's explore where season premiers go wrong! (Oh yeah, this entry is full of spoilers in case you haven't watched last week's TV yet...read on at your own risk!)

Starting with the most benign of errors: Unrealistic character changes. Grey's Anatomy, ABC, takes the cake here for 3 reasons. First was the introduction of Meredith’s half sister, Lexie. Is it just me or is Lexie an odd-miniature Meredith who the writers have mimicking everything I dislike about Meredith: the hesitant speech patterns, the "getting lost while thinking inside her head" and most disdainfully her showing up (admittedly, last season) in the bar where Dr. Shepard didn't introduce himself as a doctor. Second was the sudden resignation of Dr. Burke. Yes, I know what happened in real life that got him fired from the show, but I take issue with it taking Christina more than 17 days and nearly a whole shift to figure out that he was gone in a hospital where patients (who were presumably a bit distracted by their own needs) knew that Meredith was sleeping with Addison's so-to-be-ex-husband and had the nerve to confront Addison about it within a couple hours of being admitted. (Oh, and there was never once mention of Addison down in California, weird.) Third too many new characters: Why did Izzy, Alex, Christina & Meredith all have to get 4 interns? As long as Christina keeps referring to them by number, we should be OK. So why should you watch? Grey's is still an enjoyable, gossipy hospital drama that will make you laugh and cry. The best line of the premier was Izzy to her interns: "When I woke up this morning I thought I was going to get the good interns, but I didn't. I got the duds. So we'll all have to change our expectations a little."

The second place to mess up a premier, particularly a series premier, is to leave us confused if the show is a drama or comedy. The notable entry here is Big Shots, ABC. I really had high hopes for this show with actors from some of my favorite shows (Christopher Titus from the short-lived sitcom Titus, Joshua Malina from the highly rated drama West Wing, Michael Vartan from action & suspense packed Alias and Dylan McDermott from the law-drama The Practice.) But I was left confused and unsatisfied with the first hour of the show. Was I supposed to feel compassion for Dylan trying to make amends by offering his 19-year old daughter a job at his cosmetic company? Humor when Vartan's philandering boss was killed by a runaway golf cart? The list of incongruities goes on and on, I think in part because the leading men are both comedic and dramatic actors. So why should you watch? Hopefully the producers/directors will tighten up the focus of this show and deliver a compelling drama about rich, powerful businessmen...although it is quite possible the subject matter just isn't that compelling.

In my mind, the most egregious error in a season premier is traumatic injury to a main character. ER, NBC, follows this path season after season. In fact, I believe the pilot episode began with the Juliana Margulies character attempting suicide and being rushed into County General. This season begins with Neela nearly being trampled to death in an anti-war rally, being taken to County General and undergoing life saving surgery requiring 11 pints of blood. Really ER? After 14 seasons of Dr. Romano's arm amputation (and later death) by helicopter, Dr. Ray Bennett’s being hit by a bus, Dr. Pratt's surviving a road rage shooting and plunge into the river, Dr. Dubenko's bout as the "remote robot TV-head doctor" and Dr. Greene's bathroom beat-down by an angry brother of a patient the best you can do is 11 pints of blood? (note the sarcasm) Given the "accidental" injury rate, I think it wise not to accept any job offers at County General. So why should you watch? ER's been on the air for 14 years and has effectively dealt with a rotating cast while still delivering touching story lines that bring a tear to my eye.

The Queen has spoken!

Episode 8, Too Little Blogging & Too Much TV?

The answer to the title question of this blog is "no." While you may be disappointed that I'm not blogging daily during premier week, I do have a valid excuse: I'm watching TV. And while there are a few things that rank above TV, blogging is not on my list. Here's a few snippets of what I've been checking out the past couple days:

Family Guy, Fox: Actually I only saw part of the episode...it was the King who watched the whole thing (on the secondary tivo, of course.) I'm not a big fan of Star Wars and while I like the raw, insensitive humor of the Family Guy, the 10 minutes I watched of the hour long season premier contained two jokes that went on for an eternity. First was the awkwardly long & silent scene joke: played in the Death Star elevator. Second was the annoyingly long fitting-a-large-sofa-through-a-small-door joke: have you ever had a sofa you couldn't maneuver through a door? It’s really not that funny.

Dancing with the Stars, ABC: I only watched the women dance so far (I'll try to watch the men before I turn-in tonight and play the elimination show before work tomorrow so I don't get spoiled!)...and wow, was I impressed by the Cheetah Girl, what-ever-her-name-is. That was a better Cha Cha Cha than I saw from some folks on So You Think You Can Dance this past summer! Other observations (partial credit to a co-worker who watched the premier Monday night sans-tivo): Jennie Garth-from 90210-impressed with the flexibility in that split and Marie Osmond covered up her lack of dancing talent with acting and charisma not seen since John Ratzenberger danced!

Beauty and the Geek, CW: In week one, this season's twist was introduced...one couple has a geeky girl and a beauty guy. This week the guy proved he had enough brains to support his nerdy lady when he won a debate over lowering the legal drinking age to 18 with "I've partied with a lot of cool 18 year-olds, dude." Nice. If you wonder if you can learn anything from watching a show like Beauty and the Geek, I can tell you I learned what a LARPer is. If you already know, you probably have a good chance of making it on the show.

Reaper, CW: Series premier was this week and while I love the premise, the pilot was a bit drawn out being that it was 60 minutes long. But it turns out having your soul sold to the devil by your parents isn't such a bad thing, and the devil isn't such a bad guy. Our hero, Sam, gets to catch souls that escaped from hell with a vacuum cleaner and return them to a drop point-at hell on earth-the DMV (of course!) And the devil helped Sam out for no reason at all (or maybe to gain his trust? Does the devil really need to gain trust?) by buying a bunch of stuff at the WorkBench where Sam is a floor salesman so he could win the spiral sliced ham...nice guy that devil, right?!

Journeyman, NBC: Series premier quickly took us viewers into the mystery our main character is experiencing in his life...he's traveling through time-but so far only his own adult lifetime. In his first flashback he runs into his old lover who is dead in present time...and then (if I understood it right) runs into her again on the next journey back, but its the future her, who should be dead, and who knows that he is traveling through time on some sort of mission. It seems to be set up with a complex puzzle to solve and I think I'll enjoy it. The bad news is I don't remember the main character’s name and the dead-potentially time traveling-lover's name is either Lydia or Olivia. The second set of bad news comes in the form of what's-his-name's Blackberry. It’s too reminiscent of the little hand-held Ziggy computer-thing that Dean Stockwell carried around in Quantum Leap.

Cane, CBS: Wow! First off, I didn't really pay attention to the cast. Not only do we have Jimmy Smits, but we also have Hector Elizondo and Nestor Carbonell in prominent roles! Before the first 5 minutes were over I was totally hooked! The entire cast (including the younger members) deliver convincing performances far exceeding any other show I've watched this fall. In case you missed the first episode: Hector gives controlling interest of the family's sugar/rum business to his adopted son, Jimmy, much to the dismay of Nestor-who's literally been sleeping with the enemy. Oh yes, this show will be good and it will be here for the long haul!

Law & Order: SVU, NBC: Here's an oldie, but a goodie. And Olivia is definitely the name of a character! I love the pacing of each episode...really an hour of SVU (much less without commercials) just flies by before you know it! Oh yeah, and Stabler's wife is pregnant...I guess they'll be staying together after all.

The Biggest Loser, NBC: Spoiler alert...they kicked off Jerry from the blue team...the oldest contestant ever and the one who lost more than 30 pounds in the first week. Since leaving the show he's lost about 90 pounds and looks great. Good for him!

Top Chef, Bravo: They sent the final four to Aspen and as a welcome gave them a hot air balloon ride. Here's my question: I've seen a few hot air balloon accidents on the news...would you like to float around in a wicker basket below a blasting jet of fire on a cold morning in the mountains? Me? Not so much.

On Thursday The Office, NBC, returns...set your tivos!!! (As if they aren't already...)

The Queen has spoken!

Episode 7, Its Finally Here!

No, not Christmas...Premier Week! Of course a few shows tried to get a head start last week in hopes they'd set the hook deep so you don't switch to the meatier shows this week. Here's what I've been watching over the past few days:

Back to You, Fox, was not so hot in the series premier last week. In the first episode the writers left no stone unturned when it came to looking up old, stale jokes. If that's not enough to disappoint you, they also left nothing to the imagination when it comes to character development (Kelsey left town 10 years ago after a night of steamy sex with Patricia-she now has a 10 year old daughter-in the last minute of the show they actually told us that Kelsey's the dad-just in case we were too stupefied by the lame jokes to have figured it out.) I'm not sure how much longer this show will last on my season pass, or on the air.

Kid Nation, CBS, took the top spot away from Back to You when it came to settling the quadruple conflict dilemma. I love kids when I can fast forward through their most annoying moments (I think even most parents would agree with me on that one) and watch only the truly amazing accomplishments (namely 8 years old making biscuits without a recipe-how'd they do it?!) This show isn't getting promoted on my season pass list, but isn't getting deleted either.

Heroes, NBC, is back! How I missed the characters and after tonight's season premier i can't wait until next week to get my fix! Spoiler Alert (for the rest of the paragraph): George Takei is (dare I say was?) wonderful for Heroes, but who was it that killed him? Sylar? One of the best scenes was the "Butler" family having a nice, normal dinner around the table-full of spirited conversation-just like the rest of America! See how boring our lives are?! Makes you want some super powers even more now, doesn't it?! Huh? You know you want them...yes, I'm talking about you! (subject for an upcoming blog will be what super-powers you want and why, so give it careful consideration starting now) Question for the more diligent viewers out there: Is Nathan Petrelli really Sylar? Is that what his burned reflection in the mirror at the bar was supposed to be revealing?

Prison Break, Fox, had its second episode of the season tonight and *spoiler alert* after the exploding plastic bag of moonshine with a 20 foot long wick made of bed sheets all I can say is: I called it! Scofield is MacGuyver in a Panamanian prison!

I'll be checking out Journeyman's premier on NBC later in the week (or over the weekend.) After a bit of Monday Night Football, I just didn't have the time to fit it in tonight. And speaking (briefly) of sports-Go Carl Edwards! If you've never given NASCAR a try, I urge you to do so now. There are less than 20 points separating 1st place from 6th with only 8 races left! I'm rooting for Edwards to have minimal penalties for the failed post race inspection (which doesn't appear to be intentionally caused at all) and to win both the Busch and Nextel Cup Championships!

The Queen has spoken!

Episode 6, I've Been Watching!

Phew! Watching TV can be hard work! Here's what I've been watching tonight:

Prison Break, Fox, Season Premier was great! Gory, nasty, inmate run SONA prison in Panama will be the stage for Scofield's next breakout...and this time he doesn't have the way out tattooed across his back. Its like MacGuyver in Oz (the HBO kind, not Dorothy)

Survivor, CBS, Season Premier was and always is a bit lack-luster. The one question I have is if you know you are in China to go on the show Survivor and traveling around in the back of a monster pickup truck, wouldn't you change out of the dress and 3-inch heels? Just in case? Maybe?

My Name is Earl, NBC, Damn-it...my tivo fooled me! This was an encore of the season finale from last year where Earl goes to jail instead of Joy. (I did get a bit choked up when Joy told her boys "and pray for old-daddy too.") I was fooled because there was a painful (even to my tone deaf ears) "Free Earl" music video at the end. That was enough to warrant a tivo original air date of Sept 20th, 2007. Like the Who, I won't be fooled again. No, No, No!

IronChef America, Food Network-I like food. A lot. And I love cooking shows. And Mark Tarbell is from Phoenix, does frequent appearances on 3 TV's morning show, has a yummy restaurant-that uses OpenTable for reservations- aaaaand *spoiler alert* Kicked Cat Cora's ass on "Battle Apple."

...And I've been organizing my season passes to manage through the triple and quadruple conflicts. I've got almost of all the worth-wild (aka: mentioned on my blog) series premiers loaded and only ran into 1 quadruple conflict. Why care about a quadruple conflict? Between my 2 tivo's I can tivo 3 shows on different channels at the same time-but to do 4 I'd have to drop another line into the bedroom TV. So if there are 4 shows I want, I must make a choice :( It really is a troubling experience: Do I pick Kid Nation or Back to You over Top Chef and Dancing with the Stars? What if Kid Nation really turns out like SONA on Prison Break-I want to see some 7 year-old throw the chicken foot down! What if Back to You has an unpredictable joke-I wouldn't want to miss that! Do you comprehend the dilemma!?! Since there is an encore presentation of Kid Nation Saturday night I'll be OK and will be able to make an educated choice when it comes to this season's first quadruple conflict. Don't worry, please.

I'm off to watch an episode of Forensic Files, Court TV, while I fall asleep!

The Queen has spoken!

Episode 5, Summer Reality Finales

Sorry for the delay, readers, I've been in Austin Texas for ACL successfully enjoying music, avoiding sunburn and staying hydrated (yes, ASG, I drank about a liter of water a day--CRAZY!) Sadly, I've been away from TV since last Wednesday and was starting to show severe signs of withdrawal (which are not at all similar to the signs of dehydration.) But don't worry, I got caught up on my tivo today and am quite ready for the season premiers...but before we have premiers we must have FINALES!!!

So, the season finale is upon us for some of my favorite summer programs and while I will miss Psych and The 4400, this blog is dedicated to my favorite summer reality shows.

First is a relatively new find: Solitary 2.0 (Saturdays, Fox Reality Network.) I actually only came upon this 2 weekends ago and found myself instantly hooked (thank goodness there was a marathon last Saturday so I could find out what happened in the 4 episodes I missed!) This is an elimination- every-episode-winner-take-all type reality show with elimination "treatments" instead of challenges. Nine contestants started out in solitary spaces (about the size of your average work cube), referred to only by numbers (of the room they are in) and with sleep and food deprivation. They are eliminated by being the first to quit a treatment (standing on a platform of nails, drinking down an increasingly nasty blended concoction of favorite foods, etc) and the "gotcha" is that they don't know when anyone else has quit (ponder: is keeping a ball gag in your mouth for 7 hours long enough or did someone quit after 30 minutes?!?) They are down to the final 3 so tune in to see who will win the $50K (yes, they are humiliating themselves on cable TV for $50K). And I'm sure there is a marathon next week for those who haven't caught an episode this season.

Second up is Top Chef (Wednesdays, Bravo.) Pretty simple concept: chefs competing for a prize of $100k (or is it $250k?), a trip to Italy (or is it Spain?) and "the title of Top Chef" (host & judge Padma Laskshmi says that at least once an episode.) If you like food and you like TV, this is a must see. Every episode I'm amazed at what the chefs pull together in their themed and time-limited challenges called Quickfires as well as their elimination challenges. There are five contestants left (spoiler alert: CJ was my favorite, but he was eliminated last week) and I'm not sure who I want to win: Casey, woman with solid performance throughout the season or Dale who is a quirky and inventive dude, yet knows how to make food people will like. The remaining contestants are: Brian, don't-know-why-he's-still-there-since-he-has-no-TV-personality-and-this-is-a-TV-show; Sara, is there because she's a woman; and Hung, is there because he's a good chef, dangerous in the kitchen (running with knives, dropping glass bottles of oil on the floor) and good for ratings. Bravo shows lots of repeats, so you can catch up on this season (and last) before the finale in a few weeks.

Third is Big Brother 8 (Finale Tuesday on CBS.) If you haven't been watching, it really is too late to catch up...but get your tivo ready for season 9 next summer! I (initially) didn't think it'd be fun to watch a bunch of spoiled reality-star-wanna-bes live in a sound stage all summer, but with 3 episodes a week (and the fast forward button on my tivo) I've been a fan since season 3. Although I didn't really care for any of the contestants this summer, it did come down to two deserving game-players. Spoiler alert: Dick and Danielle played a great game all summer, I just wish they both showed a bit more decorum when they became the final 2.

The Queen has spoken!

Episode 4, Loser: Thy Name is Amber

Well folks, here we have it: the real premier of the fall season! Being one of the first shows to air this year, The Biggest Loser (Tuesdays on NBC) has found itself subject of a blog. I’ll cover three topics briefly: why you should watch this show, who I think will win (and lose) and what I like about the format.

Why you should watch The Biggest Loser: When I first heard of this show several seasons ago, I thought it was a horrible excuse for a show to exploit and humiliate fat people across America—but I was wrong and that is precisely why you should be watching. I find The Biggest Loser to be one of the most inspirational, emotional, compelling and motivational shows on TV today. For the most part, the contestants are there to actually change their lives (and life expectancy) for the better. For some it is an unbelievable emotional struggle (Lezlie, the Katrina hurricane survivor who sometimes wishes the storm took her “along with the house”), for some the inspiration they provide is unfathomable (Wylie, from last year, sharing his new-found passion for fitness with mentally challenged children) and the motivation this gives to us all to make an attainable change in our lifestyles for the better (did you know cutting out one soda a day saves 8 pounds of calories a year!) Watch a few episodes and you’ll be amazed at how much you believe in yourself and your ability to make an impact on your health as well as others! OK, I’m not a motivational speaker, so enough of the sappiness and onto the good stuff…

Who do I think will win (and lose): These are the picks I made as I watched the first episode and got to know a bit about each of our contestants…I reserve the right to update my picks throughout the season!

Potential winners:

1) Bryan (Red Team): he appears to be a high school music teacher and thinks he’s a handsome man if he loses the weight. I have to get behind someone with self-confidence and reassurance like that!

2) Amy (Red Team): ok, maybe she won’t win, but this first grade teacher has beautiful eyes that should be complimented by a beautiful and fit figure!

3) Kae (Blue Team): former Army private…I hope she does us all proud and is able to keep the weight off long term!

4) Neil (Blue Team): He got below 400 pounds after the first week (started at 422)…dig inside you, chemical engineer you, and figure out how to make the calories work for you!

5) Jerry (Blue Team): I honestly though his metabolism was against him from the start, but this 62 year-old has proved otherwise! Spoiler alert! He came in first in the initial race across to the desert to become captain of the blue team AND lost 31 pounds in the first week…more than any other contestant lost in any one week in any other season! Way to go Gramps!

Won’t keep the weight off:

1) Hollie (Black Team): cheerleading coach, just seems like a quitter who finds it easy to justify her weight since she works in an athletic environment

2) Patty (Blue Team): spoiler alert! this chick lost 13 pounds in the first week…great progress, but I question her ability to maintain

3) Amber (Red Team): don’t finish the first task dead last, then not complete the workout, then say you want to quit. Spoiler alert! She was voted off the first episode…but did lose 65 pounds after leaving the show!

4) David (Red Team): this poor guys has 4 boobs (that is not a good thing, in case you are wondering)…he lost a lot of weight week 1 (20 pounds I think), but will need significant changes to keep it off…I hope he does!!!

Best part of the format:
In The Biggest Loser, even the elimination is inspirational. The other contestants say nice things like “I think this person is a beautiful person and will achieve great things” and then the producers show us how the loser has progressed since they left the show. As I mentioned before, this week’s loser, Amber, lost 65 pounds since coming on the show, down 10 sizes to an 18…and she hopes to be down to a size 10 for the finale!

The Queen has spoken!

Episode 3, What I'm watching now

Before I begin, I want to thank you for all the comments and suggestions of additional shows to watch. I’ll take some into consideration (Rescue Me), some I already tivo (Scrubs) and some are past their prime (they will remain nameless-if you enjoy them, keep enjoying them!) It appears to me we’ll have plenty to debate once the fall season is underway!

Secondly, I don’t want you to think I don’t enjoy the NFL and am blogging during the season opener without regret. At this point, the game is a run-away, the King’s fantasy team is up 29-3 and I’m getting live updates on the internet. So, no regrets for blogging now.

I wanted to pay homage to one of the shows I’m watching now and I highly recommend to mystery, sci-fi and drama show fanatics: The 4400 (Sundays on USA.) For those of you unfamiliar with this show, now in its 4^th season, I’ll provide a quick synopsis. 4,400 people were abducted over the past 80 years (or so) by the future human race and returned to the present time all at once somewhere outside of Seattle. While they were gone they were each given some sort of special power (seeing the future, telekinesis, purifying polluted environments: just to name a few) that was intended to help them save the world. Over the course of the past seasons the regular humans have seen/see the 4400 as a threat and put government agencies in place to monitor them, the 4400s have divided into factions with different ideals/purposes and the government has both taken action against and exploited the 4400.

We are now nearing the end of season 4 and regular humans have also been given the opportunity to gain special powers by taking a shot of Promicin (with a ~50% mortality rate), one of the 4400s is running for Seattle public office, another has founded Promise City where 4400s live in some sort of US government-free but militia-cult-like section of Seattle and a top ranked member of the government monitoring agency (called NTAC) is possessed by a member of the future human race with unclear scruples. It is clear things will come to a head as this season closes out and we start to figure out who is good (the 4400s who want to spread special powers across the world at any cost of human life, those that want to give powers to those most likely to survive or the government) and who isn’t.

The 4400 is a successful summer drama (keyword being summer) because it has a creative storyline, competent actors, and believable special effects, but struggles a bit with the script. Check it out: the first 3 seasons are available on DVD.

Episode 2, The Fall Lineup

This is the inspiration for it all: this is the TV you should be watching this fall (and why you should be watching it!) I've also included a few shows I think we'll all be disappointed in.

Top Dramatic Shows:
* Heroes-NBC, Mondays, season premier Sept 24th: Genetic mutations a secret organization has known about for years yield superpowers and we're just learning about it now?! Seriously, this show has it all: a compelling (enough) story line, action, cheerleaders and an evil-doer named Sylar. Now to figure out how I get myself some super-powers!
*Criminal Minds-CBS, Wednesday, season premier Sept 26th: Every episode it always strikes me as odd how emotionally involved the guys and gals from the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit become with the case. Regardless, its one of the best cop-dramas out there and frequently gives me the heeby-jeebies!
*Cane-CBS, Tuesdays, series premier Sept 25th: I don't really know what to expect, but with Jimmy Smits and the story of how he runs a sugar and rum empire, I'm envisioning a Latino Soprano's. The only thing that could make it sound better is bacon, maybe.
*Big Shots-ABC, Thursdays, series premier Sept 27th: 4 CEOs dishing about their power, privilege and sex lives at their exclusive country club may not sound like good TV, but with 4 veteran actors of Alias, The West Wing, Titus and The Practice I'm willing to give it a shot!
*Grey's Anatomy-ABC, Thursdays, season premier Sept 27th: Forget the "Mc"crap; its the dynamics between Izzy, George and Callie that make the show interesting!
*CSI-CBS, Thursdays, season premier Sept 27th: The original and still the best (well, actually the only CSI worth watching.) Last season they figured out how to make the miniature killer cover several episodes...and she's still at it! Will they be able to find Sarah in time to save her life? In time to save her hand? Tune in to find out!
*Friday Night Lights-NBC, Fridays, season premier Oct 5th: Ouch, FNL got moved to the dreaded Friday night slot! Even though its been likened to "Laguna Beach in Texas" in my house, I still find it compelling-come on, who doesn't like a good underdog story?
*Journeyman-NBC, Mondays, series premier Sept 24th: The upside is its got a great actor from HBO's Rome. The potential downside is with too many writer-producer-director people from The West Wing it could end up like Studio 60-canceled.
*New Amsterdam-FOX, Tuesdays, series premier ???: I think this is to compete with Journeyman and generally one shows wins (sometimes neither like with last year's Six Degrees and The Nine). Anyway its a cop-drama so I'll give it a shot.
*Prison Break-FOX, Mondays, season premier Sept 17th: With all the brain power Michael Schofield has, no one expected him to get caught and sent to a creepy-trippy-prison WAY south of the border. But he did, and we have season 3. I'm hoping the writers will boost the believability of the characters a bit and continue with more MacGuyver-like tricks.

Top Sitcoms:
* The Office-NBC, Thursdays, season premier Sept 27th: One Shrute Buck will be awarded for each episode you watch! Seriously, if you haven't been watching the antics of The Office, welcome back to planet earth. We all wish our lives at work were as exciting as they are for the folks at Dunder Mifflin (sales calls and make-overs with Phyllis, reading Creed's blog, and calculating how many quarters it'll take to get Dwight's office supplies out of the vending machine.) Kinda makes me want to move to Scranton.
*My Name is Earl-NBC, Thursdays, season premier Sept 27th: Awwh Snap! I can't move to Scranton because I'd miss all my friends from the trailer park. This show delivers good, simple laugh-out-loud humor and shouldn't be missed.
*30 Rock-NBC, Thursdays, season premier Oct 4th: Along with The Office & Earl, this makes up the best hour and a half of TV on the air. Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey carry this smart comedy (yes, sometimes you might not hear a joke if you don't have your thinking cap on) about the people who work at a sketch comedy show. Plus they have an episode about Cleveland!
*Carpoolers-ABC, Tuesdays, series premier Oct 2nd: I thought this show looked lame at first, but after seeing a clip with Jerry O'Donnell spouting off rules of the carpool ("Don't show me pictures of your kids because then I'll have to memorize their names"), back seat driving (reaching over the driver to honk the horn) and making the new guy save a parking spot ("I promise, the 'fancy car' guys won't run you over; well I didn't think they would") I decided this is my kind of show.
*Reaper-The CW, Tuesdays, series premier Sept 25th: It has the brother from Invasion as side-kick to the star Sam (who played Sam from Fox's The Loop) whose parents sold his soul to the devil when he was born. Sounds like a great concept with some funny actors so I'll be giving it a shot.
*Big Bang Theory-CBS, Mondays, series premier Sept 24th: I honestly don't give this show much of a chance of lasting through the season, but it has Darlene's boyfriend (from Rosanne) playing one of the main nerdy characters and I believe he plays creepy-nerdy quite well.

Top Reality Shows:
*Survivor: China-CBS, Thursdays, series premier Sept 20th: Please don't fool yourself into thinking you are tired of watching survivor. At the very least watch a few episodes and then read Bob-Dawgster's posts on CBS's website where past competitors comment on each episode.
*Beauty & The Geek-The CW, Tuesdays, series premier Sept 18th: Pretty girls make over geeky boys and everyone learns something about themselves...well almost everyone.
*The Biggest Loser-NBC, Tuesdays, series premier Sept 11th: New (thinner) host Allison Sweeney from Days of Our Lives and 3 teams competing! This is a feel good reality show, that actually makes a positive impact...and sometimes makes me cry happy tears.
*Dancing With The Stars-ABC, Monday & Tuesday, series premier Sept 24th: Men, you can watch this show and enjoy it. First, you have Josie Maran (swimsuit model). Second because you have manly-men competing like Helio Castroneves and Floyd Mayweather.
*Kid Nation-CBS, Wednesdays, series premier Sept 19th: As many of you know, I really don't care for children, particularly when they interfere with my ability to have a nice quiet dinner at a restaurant. Each child that intrudes on my dinner should be sent to Kid Nation to live in a ghost-town where they have to take care of themselves. In that capacity they might actually be entertaining to me (unlike when the ill-behaved little ones choose to throw a tantrum at a restaurant because they don't have Kraft mac-n-cheese on the menu-That is not entertaining!)

Shows you shouldn't bother with:
*Private Practice-ABC: Spin-off of Grey's is a bad idea. Red-headed doctor will be back in Seattle before Christmas.
*Cavemen-ABC: Even their website can't accurately describe the setting (is it set in San Diego or Atlanta?)...I seriously doubt the script is any more well thought out.
*Chuck-NBC: All computer jobs are boring, the government will not accidentally send you the biggest secrets in our nation so you can act as a secret agent and save the world, all computer jobs will remain boring.

The Queen has spoken!

Pilot Episode, er, Post

After years of consideration and near constant pleading from my friends, I've finally set up my TV blog. This is a place for talking about TV: what shows are good, what shows are bad and what shows you should be watching that you aren't.

For those who don't know me, I am an average (ok, exceptional) TV viewer, meaning that I have a real job which doesn't involve TV at all. I don't get paid to write about certain shows or networks, I don't get or look for advance screenings of shows and I don't proclaim to know a bunch of TV trivia. I am simply a TV viewer. I watch about 50 hours of programming a week, almost all of it has been tivo-ed so i rarely watch commercials. I am a big fan of reality shows, cop & hospital dramas and sitcoms. By no means is my viewing limited to those genres: I'll watch pretty much any show at least once!

A couple of "rules" about my blog for those who wish to contribute and post comments:
1) Movies are not TV-I won't talk about them and neither should you. (Made for TV movies are exempt from this rule.)
2) I have a Tivo, 2 actually. I refer to tivo in the genericized sense: if you record something, I don't care if you do it on a Tivo, DVR, VCR, BETA or with a video camera pointed at your screen. What ever the case, I applaud you for trying to manage your TV viewing schedule.
3) I live in Arizona. This means I get shows on some crazy mix of timezones, some east coast (Food Network & HBO), some west coast (HBOWest, Fox) and some central (local channels). Also we don't celebrate daylight savings time in AZ. So please don't ask me what time a show is on.
4) Sports and News are TV, however they will rarely be the topic of a blog.
5) I enjoy watching TV. I want you to enjoy it too. I don't care if you only watch an hour of TV a week, get two channels though a foil wrapped antenna, or have a 17 inch B&W screen. I want the time spent in front of your TV to be enjoyable, so ask questions and make suggestions that will improve everyone's TV time.

Coming up next week: The fall line-up! Get ready to update your tivos, move your workout schedule around and stop walking the dog after 7pm once I unveil what you should (and shouldn't) be watching!

The Queen has spoken