Episode 11, "I see the games you're playing"

Absolutely brilliant! That is what I have to say about CBS’s Kid Nation once I saw through their thinly veiled ploy and realized this really is a brilliantly-diabolical plan to gain a monopoly on all the future reality show participants! Let me lay out the evidence:

1) Wife Swap, ABC, and Trading Spouses, Fox, have been getting a bit predictable with all the conflict based on who does the vacuuming. The best episode I ever watched (really this is a best out of 5 or so) was when the one wife was a local religious leader: head of her Coven. On Kid Nation, the producers don’t leave the hard-to-discuss topic of religion out-of-bounds and this week the kids were asked to hold a religious gathering for, what seemed like, no other purpose than to give them an excuse to yell at each other. This is perfect training for the yet-to-be-aired Family Exchange: Holy Wars, coming soon on CBS!

2) Trauma: Life in the ER, TLC, shows dramatic footage of car accident, gun shot and construction accidents (recall the nail gun shot into a man’s skull) but they haven’t really tapped into the available market when it comes to herpes. Watch about 10 minutes of Kid Nation and you will count no less than 20 cold-sores…and there are less than 40 kids on the show. This is the perfect opportunity for CBS to swoop in and take over TLC’s little medical show and re-title it Trauma: Outbreak in the Desert.

3) Intervention, currently airs on A&E, but will have to acquiesce to CBS once the kids from Bonanza City fully develop their appetite for shots. You see, on Kid Nation there is a saloon that is fully stocked with seltzer water & root beer for the kids to unwind with. And what did CBS provide to serve those tasty drinks? You guessed it, shot glasses. So now we get to watch 8-15 year olds pound shots of root beer, have chugging contests until 3 in the morning (they have beer mugs too) and grab a bottle to go (aka: a roadie) when missing their girlfriend becomes too much to handle. Oh yeah, there was also a seltzer water fight where the 15 year old “kid” was spraying the down the 9 & 10 year old girls…hardly more than a half step away from To Catch a Predator, NBC, and wet T-shirt contests on The Girls Next Door, E!

Next week’s episode features Town Council elections: would you vote for the Atheist, the one who can chug a root beer in 5 seconds or the one with the cold sore vaccine? Cast your vote wisely…

The Queen has spoken!